How Can Meditating in the Garden Possibly Go Wrong?

Many of you who read this aren’t going to believe this story, but it’s true.

As a spiritual person I love meditating, and a scientist might call the boys in white coats to tie me up if I told them exactly why, so I’ll get into the “why I meditate” in a future post. For now, I want to tell you the dangers of meditating.


Now, we all already know the obvious dangers like meditating on a train track or meditating in a public park where someone can steal your purse, but I’m talking about the dangers of meditating right here in your own back yard. I’ll quickly throw “watch out for bird poop” at you because that’s not why I’m writing this either.

This is a a true story, and you should be careful it doesn’t happen to you! Now if you’re not a fan of funny stories then maybe this particular blog post isn’t for you, because it’s not serious like most of my material. Today I saw the bright sun and felt really good so I thought I’d put on some of my lose fitting, but fancier clothing, a skirt I hadn't worn in almost a year because I didn't want to wreck it. Just remember that because it’s going to make this even funnier.


It was about lunch time when I already accomplished everything I had wanted to do today. I had gotten food for the cat, had washed the bathroom, did work on the computer, made some money, watched the news, but what, I asked myself, shall I do next?

My answer, as you’ve probably guessed, was “meditate in the garden.” of course, I was NOT brilliant enough to change my clothes before I finished my tea and stepped outside. The birds were chirping and the neighbor's dog was quiet for a change. All was perfect, or so it seemed…

Ah, I remember it so clearly. Hmm, so clearly, in fact, that I can make a brief list of just how perfect it was.

  • The grass was soft beneath my bear feet. 

  • A frog in my pond was croaking just like they do in the movies when something romantic is about to happen.

  • I couldn’t smell the neighbor’s dog poop as I usually do every time I step close to a window that’s open just a crack.

  • A little pink cloud was blocking the sun from my eyes.A butterfly nearly kissed my nose.

Now, thanks to that brief list, you can imagine just how romantic and awesome my meditating experience was about to be. Well, I had only gotten down to my usual position in the grass, had only closed my eyes for not even 5 seconds, when–Tsssss! –the sprinklers turned on and sent a jet of pressurized water right into my face. For a brief second I wasn’t sure what in the world was happening and so I screamed at the top of my lungs like piggly little school girl from a cheesy 1920s horror movie.

I couldn't find where the water was coming from, but it was surely going into places it shouldn't have! Before I could get up and out of the hurricane, the water was up my nose, in my mouth, soaked my skirt, my hair, and my new flip-flips that had no tread - I was all over the place.

You could probably imagine how silly I looked trying to stand my ground, I couldn't. Both feet were tossed and stretched out in either direction like a brand new baby deer learning to walk. It was nearly impossible to hold myself together. I panicked and down I went onto the soaked ground again. Well! If that wasn't enough to make me want to screech even louder!

Needless to say, I was far from relaxed, quite the opposite of how I should have felt during a meditation session. I finally made it through the mess and stormed back into the house, called the Irrigation company to change the time when the sprinklers go on, and I of course I complained more than I should have. It wasn’t their fault that I decided to go out and meditate at the precise moment they had set the sprinklers to go off, which, by the way, never bothered anyone before. But I had no hold-back.

Thankfully, the young man on the phone was patient and equipped to handle my stress and was able to brightened my mood without any further issue. I know now where the sprinklers are in my yard and when they are scheduled to operate. Lesson learned.

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